The meaning of support and unconditional love is learned first with our parents. How our mate should treat us is often taught through what we see, feel and hear from our dads. Dads are so vital and play a huge role in how we view ourselves. What if “how to be an amazing father” wasn’t modeled before you? What if there wasn’t a father to show you how a man should value you, talk to you and support you? Even further, it doesn’t stop at childhood. Dads being cheerleaders and it’s power has been continually underestimated in many of our lives. We forever need a shoulder, an encouragement and to be reaffirmed by dads and father figures.
Fathers, what you pour into your kids have a direct impact on their outlook; even as adults! If you are starting from scratch with your kids (even as moms) and pouring into them what you didn’t have, you can start a new standard by:
Consistently affirming your love...
As adults, we need to hear the “I love you” and the ways we are loved. Being independent in lifestyle doesn’t mean you aren’t intertwined at heart when it comes to the parentals (not a word until now, lol) . I speak into my children daily. While they look forward to it and have come to expect it from mom, it’s the words that Stephen will impart that penetrate almost instantly. I see the light in their eyes every time. They feel hopeful, inspired and SEEN. If we don’t receive this before venturing out into the world on our own, our view is often skewed. We end up looking for what we didn’t receive in places that it won’t be found. You CAN provide what you didn’t receive; it just takes purposeful action.
Showing what concerns them is also your concern...
As our children grow, them feeling like we all share the same world brings a level wholeness and transparency that can fulfill them in so many areas. I could truly care less about a bubble guppy, tricked out hover board and the hottest new shoe that’s all the rave with the preteens BUT I get into it because they (my children) are. You would never tell I didn’t love it more than them because I always strive to help them to see all that concerns them is important to me also; something I could’ve received more of growing up.
Make efforts to celebrate personal development...
NEVER will everything be done 100% correct... With that being said, celebrate the “trying”, “mastered” AND “struggle”. I found myself attaching my praise & outward approval to only what was done as I wished. It was only a short time before I realized my error and the damage it was doing as well asthe skewed view it was creating between the kids. Did we love them unconditionally? Yes! Were we showing it? Nope. Furthermore, their Dad being tough on them when progress needed to happen and not as verbal during positive growth was definitely rattling their self-esteem. And y’all, we consider ourselves to be A-1, top notch parents! Ha, ha! This simply means, take mental inventory of what you are releasing outward to your kids and the process in which you go about it.
With all of these things in mind, I found myself attempting to be everything and simultaneously minimizing the role of their biggest impact- their D-A-D. I was also not reiterating how necessary he is in their personal development. So, I changed some things.
Dads are needed; both as children and as adults. Encourage the dads in your life to continue giving piggy backs!