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  • Writer's pictureA. Guru

Evolving Individually When 1+1= 1

As individuals, we are constantly evolving and become new as we age. My husband and I have been together forevaaaa!!! Seriously, a long time, ha, ha. At 16 years together and almost 14 years married, we have reached the point where we have known each other for the larger part of our lives. We've seen a lot, done a lot and been through a lot. While marriage is a constant work in progress, the biggest asset I feel that aids positive growth and togetherness in marriage is embracing personal change and growth. "We are one..." Is all you hear after you say "I do" and while doing everything like the Olsen twins sounds cute, that leads to a sinking ship FAST!! Yes, you should be one in goals, purpose and vision for your relationship and family but your person should still be fulfilled individually, I feel. We all have different likes, wants and interests; which for most, that could've been factor in you loving them all the more ("opposites attract", they say).

Marriage shouldn't be where "what makes you unique" goes to die! It also shouldn't be the last place you insert your newfound fulfillments. Although change can be scary, your union should be the first place where you are your most authentic self. Your union should also be the first in support of your personal growth because personal growth can only benefit your relationship. I am adventurous and free while my husband is a systematic individual. If he does something a little different, I'm open and I immediately dish out support. If I do something as simple as add onions on a salad for, a change, he looks for the reason in me adding the onions...was the salad not enough anymore? Ha, ha!! This is real life, folks!

Change, at first, is frightening to him because he then questions the need for the change almost immediately. I embrace change promptly because I am aware that we have a lot of growing to do and are still deep in finding our purpose. Neither approach is wrong because, as people, we have our own processes...If you promote what's positive, you diminish the likelihood of problems controlling the dialog between the two of you. You should desire your mate to evolve and succeed. Caring about their needs as an individual will keep you from taking them for granted. If you find yourself bucking against changes that are seemingly innocent, you must figure out the reasons that you are against it. Jealousy, feeling inadequate and insecurity can all be unhealthy reasons that can be aided with communication and additional guidance when needed.

One week, my phone was ringing off the hook with opportunities. I was overwhelmed but super excited and looked to my husband to do a happy dance. He was pouting and seemed to have a whole attitude. When we discussed his feelings, I realized he felt more and more replaceable as the phone kept ringing. While, in my mind, I was excited about what this meant for our family. Feelings of insecurity crept through his mind at the very thought of an EVEN BUSIER Alexas. Communicating and getting it all out on the table helped me to find ways to make him feel a part of my "sole/soul" (blog for another time) vision, even if it was just carrying my camera to the car. Discussing it helped him remember that although we are a partnership, we aren't a business. His role in my life is a love thang!

Just think if we hadn't talked about it... He would be on sabotage patrol and I would be on my defensive "Who run the world, girls!" kick because I didn't get the response I desired.

Ha, ha!!! This is why communication is so vital to the health of a relationship when we are all constantly evolving.

You do a disservice to both you and your relationship when you choose not to embrace positive change due to fear of the unknown or over analyzing where you may fit in this change. You're writing a love story that is uniquely your own. Acceptance helps deeper love blossom and keeps you closer and able to navigate your journey with more ease. Start finding ways to incorporate and celebrate in your ever-evolving love. 1+1 equals 1 AND fulfillment for 2! The benefits will be rewarding!

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