Relationships are something that we willingly embark on, many times, without realizing the great sacrifice, growth and effort it requires. Whether you've been together for two years or twenty years, certain practices have to be in constant rotation in order for your union to thrive.
To give you my backstory, I have been married for 13 years...I know, I look so youthful, ha, ha!(see, I get side tracked fast, lol) Anyhoo, Yes, thirteen years of marriage under my belt and I can say undoubtedly that I have learned a great deal while being married. I've learned about major pitfalls, ways to thrive as well as how important individual wholeness is to the health of the relationship. Here are a few points to keep in mind to keep your relationship going in a positive direction!
1. Talk it out, then walk it out!
Many times, we state our concerns to our partner and it feels like they might as well be a wax figure at Madame Tussauds; because there's no response. You both have to be very present in your lives together. One person cannot aid growth alone. Have constant open dialogue, even if the topic is tough, to get dual understanding. Once you're on the same page, discuss or write out your plan on how to implement the resolve you both collectively came up with. Hold each other accountable for correction so that the problem can be old news and you all keep taking steps forward free of baggage and/or resentment.
2. Fight with a purpose (Note: That purpose should not be to go for the jugular!)
As time has progressed, I have been so guilty of not fighting fair, simply because I just got tired of taking the high road. I soon realized that the gut punches were helping the situation either and it was frankly too much work to come up with creative comebacks, lol. Hitting below the belt never flips into a positive and it certainly doesn't win you tokens for the love bank! Fighting IS healthy if done with resolution as the goal. Express yourself and your emotions while maintain a level of respect for your mate in the process. Make sure to take turns talking (many of us talk over each other) and always give a way to correct the problem before you conclude.
3. Don't let the sun go down on that frown!
I'm yet again GUILTY of this...I'm just telling on myself. I know, go on, shake your head. I'm shaking with ya! This one is pretty self explanatory and while in theory seem easy enough, it can be hard to follow. Work it out before you go to bed!!!! Period. Even if you have to pull an all-nighter. It sets a standard in your relationship of heavy communication and alleviates the holding of grudges.
4. Date yourself
You have to love and know yourself before your mate can successfully love and know you. Many times we lose ourselves in circumstances and even our mate at times. It is so vital to continue getting to know yourself, your likes, dislikes, ambitions, etc. Knowing yourself helps your mate better cater to your needs and love you the way you desire to be loved successfully.
5. Planners are for winners!
In a relationship, you have to go beyond the call of duty to be purposeful in every move you make. While we love things to organically come about, that's easier said than done when you add in kids, careers and all the hussle n' bussle of life. Get a planner and sync it with your mate's. It should include dates, progressive talks and even reminders for intimacy. If these things aren't intentional, you slowly create division and before you know it, unity is a thing of the past. Being intentional keeps you close, aware of one another and prevents either one of you becoming overwhelmed.
There's so many other ways to work together to make it work. We will explore them all. You need it as do I:) Hey, after all, it takes two!!
(You will soon be able to upload videos for my take on many of these topics!)